1993 PART 2
[An ASKLEPIA FOUNDATION
An Experiential Approach and Application to
Dreamwork, Creativity, and Healing
by Graywolf Fred
Swinney, M.A. and Iona Miller
Aesculapia Wilderness Retreat, Grants Pass, Oregon
the Proceedings of the Society for Chaos Theory in Psychology. Presented
at Saybrook Institute, Summer, 1991.
Experiential therapy sessions and mysticism demonstrate that as we journey
deeper and deeper into the psyche we eventually encounter a state characterized
either as "chaotic" or void of images. In a therapeutic context,
chaos is experienced as a consciousness state--the ground state.
This state is related to healing, dreams, and creativity. Shamanic
approaches to healing involve co-consciousness states which lead to restructuring
both physical and emotional-mental senses of self.
and healing arise from this undifferentiated "chaotic consciousness."
Dreamhealing uses images as portals for consciousness journeys to facilitate
transformations ranging from mood alteration to profound physiological
changes. Imagery (virtual experience) affects the immune system,
activating psychosomatic forces, such as the placebo effect. Chaos-oriented
consciousness journeys suggest these states reflect complex phase space,
fractal patterns, strange attractors, "the butterfly effect," sensitivity,
complex feedback loops, intermittency, and other general dynamical aspects
suggested by chaos theory. More than an experiential process, this
is a philosophy of treatment--"Chaosophy."
"I'm just asking you to hear yourself. Listen to what you're really
saying and to what you think you're saying. Control, control, control.
When are you going to realize that nothing can be controlled?"
"We live in chaos; it's the central issue in everyone's life.
Mack, look around you. Everyone in this parking lot is struggling
for control. And you know what it is they're trying to control, each
and everyone of them? Fear--they're trying to control their fear."
--Steve Martin character in the film, GRAND CANYON
We all instantly recognize the fundamental nature of chaos in our lives.
The archetypal creation myth posits that all originates in Chaos.
We all "get it," intuitively. But generally we are enculturated to
fear chaos, to hold it at bay through so-called "control." Chaos
is a very personal experience. We relate to it viscerally as well
as emotionally and intellectually. When chaos intrudes on our lives,
we feel pain, and defend against that pain with fear, rather than embracing
the chaotic dynamic.
In psychology, we have had the idea that we need a "strong ego," that we
need a stable structure in order to function and cope. But nothing
exists in complete order or complete randomness. We live in a chaotic
universe. When we are "far from equilibrium" change becomes inevitable.
Like a bifurcation point in chaos theory, the old system either falls apart
or emerges with a higher degree of order. Our bifurcations state
changes are personal crossroads, decision points, initiated by perturbations
of our systems.
Chaos theory applied to experiential psychotherapy shows us we actually
need to cooperate with chaotic dynamics, to enter a less-rigid process
of flow, submitting outworn aspects of the ego to dissolution, which increases
our adaptability, helping us evolve.
The phase space of non-linear dynamics is analogous to psychic space--our
psychophysical construct of our experience of reality. This complex
inner landscape can be mapped and has all the features of phase space:
stability, chaos, bifurcation points, and catastrophic changes.
This virtual reality is the world of virtual experience. The landscape
of information is richly structured with attractor basins, valleys, and
mountains with peaks, saddles, and passes. And it is also hyperdimensional
containing a vast amount of implicate or enfolded information.
This landscape (self-scape) can be explored with experiential psychotherapy
by faithfully sticking to the imagery emerging from the autonomous imaginal
flow. It is a dynamic "ocean of active information" in wave form,
with which we can commune, transcending conventional boundaries.
The inner journey is one of movement without motion--stretching and folding
Imagination is the voice of creativity. It is the primary way we
experience soul. Creativity expressed in imagination means experiencing
multiple states of consciousness. There is an infinity of realities
and states of consciousness. Imagination embodies it's own reality.
It is self-revelatory. Meaning dwells in the image like consciousness
dwells in the body.
We are learning from chaos theory that physically and mentally we need
chaotic disorder to function smoothly. Dipping into that disorder
shakes everything loose and allows creative restructuring to occur.
Self-organizing systems, both organic and inorganic, naturally evolve toward
the "edge of chaos." Many natural systems develop their own dynamic
stabilities. Dynamic stability applies to development in chaos theory,
and research shows that living systems are naturally self-correcting.
Strength is a measure of what force it takes to destroy or break a rigid
structure. True power, on the other hand, is a measure of readily-available
energy for immediate use. Strength is rigid, while power is flowing.
Empowerment flows forth naturally when we come into intimate therapeutic
contact with our stream of consciousness. This stream is most easily
observed as our dreams, and manifests in our symptoms.
Water is a natural metaphor of consciousness. The turbulent stream
of consciousness flows through the labyrinth of the psyche. It is
the source of dis-ease and our healing as indicated by its importance in
the cult of Asklepios, the god of dreams and healing. In Greece,
the springs of his shrine were channeled into circular labyrinths, forming
a concrete metaphor of the healing process. Healing "springs" from
deep within. However, first the old rigid images must be dissolved,
and the "universal solvent" is chaos.
Dreams bridge the gap between the spiritual and scientific worldviews.
Most would agree that dreams are a truly chaotic phenomenon. Object
of scientific inquiry and healing tool of the psychotherapist, they are
firmly entrenched in the scientific worldview, although on the fringe.
On the mystical side, most religions teach that God, or the nature of the
transpersonal Source is revealed through dreams and visionary experience.
Chaos theory provides a comprehensive metaphor for uniting physical, emotional,
mental, and spiritual realities. Supreme insights are always metaphorical
in expression. But the relationship of chaos and psychotherapeutic effects
may be more than metaphorical and subjective. The empirical connection
may lie in the mystery of the true nature of consciousness and creativity.
One of the authors, Graywolf, discovered a way to journey and guide others
into the deepest layers of the psyche while practicing Gestalt dreamwork
and shamanism. Therapy at its very best is a matter of changing consciousness
and so is shamanism. In dream guiding, all the action lies in going
just beyond the boundary from the known and comfortable toward the fear
Following the images below the ego deeper into more fundamental consciousness
states, he found that clients could easily be guided to the level of chaotic
consciousness with therapeutic results. Mapping these levels below
behavior, emotional-mental process, belief systems, and mythic zones of
imagery, he refined the technique and directions for guidance.
This process (Dreamhealing or Creative Consciousness Process) was not originally
based on chaos theory, but observed directly in working with dreams, symptoms,
feelings, and healing. The theory came later as an analogy for describing
the observations. But chaotic dynamics may be the actual mechanism
of its action, rather than merely a metaphor of the transformative process,
as were the hydraulic and cybernetic models.
Dreamhealing is not an interpretive or analytical way of understanding
a dream, but is a non-linear consciousnesness journey into its healing
heart. Dreamhealing is not guided imagery. The guide
follows the autonomous flow of psychic imagery, while guiding the focus
to deeper, more primal imagery. Then letting go of that form,
and entering a yet deeper one, much like entering deeper into a fractal
image to find yet deeper images.
In dreamhealing one "becomes" the image which leads to sensing, identifying,
empathizing with the essence of a color, shape, form, or pattern--then
letting go of form. It is a process of initiation--becoming, sharing,
feeling, releasing, yielding, accepting, deepening, intensifying, surrendering,
healing, and integrating.
Everything in the dreamtime occurs in the present tense--it is happening.
But it is linked in a non-linear fashion--through association--with the
past and the future. Becoming the image creates the experience of
a new state of consciousness, new sensations, awarenesses, feelings, visceral
and kinesthetic reactions, responses, acceptances.
Dreams are chaotic by nature and so is much of shamanic practice.
Both evoke the irrational, and of all the healing modalities, these two
reflect chaos theory. The forte of shamans is the dream journey or
consciousness journey, based on the assumed ability to experience multiple
consciousness states other than ordinary consensus reality.
The shaman/therapist acts as guide by entering a co-consciousness state
or shared experience with the journeyer. This virtual experience
has the ability to create natural consequences or results in real-time.
The experience of multiple states of consciousness leads away from egocentricity
toward a biocentric perspective. A larger sense of participation
counteracts existential alienation.
Small changes in initial conditions (sensitivity) are pumped-up into larger
changes, via the "butterfly effect." There is a complementary notion
in psychotherapy that one traumatic event can shape a life, and a therapeutic
event or experience can re-shape it. Small changes can make phenomenal
differences in outcome.
A dream is a stream of chaos, a river of turbulent, undifferentiated consciousness
and creativity, flowing through the self-scape of the psyche. It
is shaped by the frozen states and complex feedback loops of consciousness,
the existential images and patterns that define and mold the self and the
reality of our perceptions. When it finally emerges into awareness,
the images and plots that are presented to our almost-waking self are reflections
of these states. They are another way of seeing the self and the
reality we create that is less prejudiced by the ego.
The dream is also much like a hologram. The passage of the consciousness
stream through the psyche, and its encounter with the frozen consciousness
states, causes ripples and patterns that create images of the deeper self
that formed them. Like a hologram or fractal, the whole is contained
and re-iterated within any part of the dream, though details may be fuzzy.
Our primal existential image of who and what we are begins with conception
(universal, undifferentiated consciousness) and is conditioned by our internal
and external experiences. But, of course, not all disease originates
here. Trauma at any point can trigger a disruption in the primal
self image, setting the "butterfly effect" in motion as the consequences
of that trauma permeate the life. There may be multiple, or re-iterated
trauma. This deep existential image contains the essence of our dis-ease.
Chaos permeates our existence from the sub-atomic to universal level, and
we react to it with fear and pain. The primal image is revealed in
the ongoing process of imagery: dreams, visions, visceral reactions,
symptoms, feelings, beliefs, and behavior. Dreams are shaped by these
existential images much as they also shape our lives and destinies.
During consciousness journeys, participants report encountering a place,
after moving through the fears and pains, that is totally disorienting,
chaotic. They, for example, enter into a gray cloud, and becoming
that cloud the mind goes totally blank. Or they enter into a spiral,
and giving over to the motion of that spiral, they become so totally disoriented
that there is nothing to hang onto.
This experience is what we call "chaotic consciousness," observed within
the therapeutic context--undifferentiated, or universal consciousness.
It is virtually a place of "all and no structure," a no-boundaries condition,
pure potential, the source of creativity. It appears paradoxically
as a plenum or a void. The plenum represents hyperarousal; the void
hypoarousal. Direct experience of the transpersonal means going back
below the ego, into this infinite place, back into this basic formless
consciousness--the void or chaos of pre-existence.
Chaotic consciousness is the crucible of our creative spirit. Creativity
emerges from chaos. This negentropic, or syntropic principle is the
matrix of evolution. Infinite process is constantly creating itself
and destroying itself at all levels. Nature repeats herself at all
levels of organization, and whatever it is we are that.
Dreams reflect this self-generating, self-iterating and self-organization
of patterns, and so does the natural philosophy emerging from the New Sciences.
This deterministic philosophy incorporates the human condition, rather
than vilifying or pushing it away. Chaos helps us feel our way through
a complex, unstable world.
Like the supercritical state of chaotic dynamics, "chaotic consciousness"
may be characterized as dynamic, non-linear, paradoxical, self-generating,
self-iterating, and self-organizing. It could be likened to an infinite
complex of manifolds potentially enfolding infinite information--vortices
within vortices within vortices--exploding limitless detail.
There is an essential relationship between healing and irrational consciousness.
Irrational consciousness "works" the cure. Somehow that chaotic consciousness,
the giving up of the old order, the letting go of the old structure to
chaos changes things fundamentally. The next set of imagery emerging
out of that chaotic consciousness is always a healing one. So chaos,
as the matrix of transformation, seems vitally important at the existential
The process of creativity is one of new forms emerging from the void, new
forms that have not existed previously. Not merely a juggling of
existing forms or ideas into a new configuration, it is more of a quantum
leap, a disruption of the old perception into new levels of consciousness
and awareness. Chaos theory provides an apt metaphor for this process.
In a nutshell, chaos theory states that in all apparent structure is hidden
chaos and in chaos there are hidden forms.
We exist in a twilight zone between chaos and order. We flow back
and forth between them and that keeps us healthy. Consciousness always
strives to take on form. We build a structure and it begins to develop
flaws and rigidities. Our illness comes when we hang onto that worn-out
structure. But when we let go, we let ourselves flow back into that
primal chaos and into total freedom. It is like a heart that periodically
develops a chaotic beating pattern to renew itself. We seem to need
that within our consciousness, too.
The Transformative Process
Consciousness, creativity, healing, dreaming, and chaos are fundamental
to the human condition. They are crucial to our health and ability
to move through life. Creativity is also evolution. Dis-ease
may be seen as a crisis that forces the organism to expand beyond its limits
and evolve. It is part of the evolutionary action of natural selection.
Current research shows that dreams reflect an individual's strategy for
survival. Those who adapt, survive. Those who adapt better,
thrive. Much of this has to do with our states of consciousness,
which lead to creative choice-making. All of a sudden we are free,
we are flowing again, and that is the natural condition of health.
Disease, as a crisis, presents the organism with the opportunity to dissolve
the old structure and evolve into a new one better adapted to survival.
Evolving into a new form, the process of recreating oneself, makes a difference
in our view of the disease process. There is no heroic search for
a cure, or compulsion to "get rid of" symptoms. The focus of transformation
goes to the deepest level.
The implication is that form and rigidity need to periodically give way
to non-structure and chaos for renewal and recreation. Much as the
"dance of Shiva" destroys the existing forms so that new reality can be
created, we can foster the disintegration of outworn images of ourselves,
even those seemingly "hard-wired" into our perceptual system.
The process creates a new primal self image, a new attractor as the core
of the organism. In chaos theory, when an attractor disappears due
to sudden catastrophic change, the system becomes structureless and experiences
a term of "transient chaos" before another attractor is found. Order
emerges spontaneously from chaos, and tends to degenerate into chaos when
forms are obsolete. Creative Consciousness Process follows nature's
lead by amplifying and intensifying the movement toward chaos, rather than
heroically defending against it.
But letting go of the old forms is frightening. We identify with
them, and to a large degree define our sense of the self by them.
To forsake them is to dissolve that part of self, to let it die.
Most of us are only comfortable in the known territory within the limits
of our belief systems, which define our reality and existence. The
creative solution often exposes the limits of our beliefs by moving beyond
them, thrusting us into unknown territory, which is frightening.
Typically, we try to hang on to the old limits even if it means we are
destroyed or have to hang on to our problem rather than letting go to move
into a broader awareness and reality. We mark the boundaries of our
belief systems with fear and discomfort to keep ourselves safe and enclosed.
To journey into undifferentiated chaos we need to go through the fear which
surrounds the pain, then through and beyond the pain to the healing core.
This profound and creative state of consciousness provides our form and
the core of our being. Here, we create our healing from within.
We experience first-hand that personal power (empowerment) arises from
To transform we must break free and let go of the cocoon of fear and pain
which has kept us prisoner of our own device. We must pass through
the discomfort and confusion and let go of what we know and are comfortable
with. We must make a quantum leap in consciousness beyond the known
into chaos--into the void, like The Fool in the Tarot.
Chaos is inherent in our being and structure just as science has shown.
We've always known it intuitively, but the ego seeks to deny it by heroically,
one-sidedly adhering to the principles of order and light. Only by
entering the dark, by entering chaos, yielding to it, do we allow newly
evolved form to come into being--to arise spontaneously, yet deterministically,
out of chaos. It is a journey through fear to a Way in which each
moment is an act of personal creation and freedom.
The primal self-image functions like an attractor. It forms based
on the organism's interaction with the "Not-I" or environment. Under
conditions which could be characterized as "far from equilibrium" this
image may suddenly dissolve (bifurcation), leading to confusion, disorientation
and fragmentation of the personality.
The same process, facilitated (rather than defended against) in therapy
can lead through the confusion and ego death to healing, renewal, and rebirth.
The new self image is better adapted to current reality. In chaos,
the search for information is open and novel solutions emerge.
We are attractor-centered, whether we conceive of that primal attractor
as divinity, the higher self, the core self, the Jungian self, the Gestalt
self, or that deepest sense of self--our primal self image (including its
unconscious aspects). Its pattern appears in all the sensory and
extrasensory modalities. The attractor embodies the long-term qualitative
behavior of a system.
As an attractor, it contains an infinite complex of potential forms and
images which are unfolded over time in unpredictable yet characteristic
ways. The personality "revolves" around its strange attractor until
a bifurcation occurs and another stable center is found. It might
be conceived as a new existential myth, or a different dominant archetype.
It is a dynamic multi-sensory image that is not different from our very
By entering into chaotic consciousness new forms arise organically out
of chaos. Consciousness is reborn after its sojourn in the underworld
of the deep psyche. The "lost soul" is found and retrieved through
the shamanic journey in the dreamtime. In embracing chaos, we tune
in to its self-directing flow.
In dreamhealing we move deeper into the images, becoming them, rather than
interacting or interpreting them. So too with other states of consciousness
we encounter. As long as the image is followed back faithfully, the
connection can be made from any feeling, symptom, or dream image, old or
new. In dealing with illness there is always a specific image that
underlies the ailment. That is what to look for when guiding a dream
In each dream journey we encounter a state of consciousness that is personal
experience of primal chaos. The disorienting, dizzying surrender
to the tornado or whirlpool is a surrender to chaos, an experience of no-form
and total confusion and disorientation. It is like the whirling,
twisting molecule of water in the chaotic world of non-laminar flow.
The experience of committing oneself to the fire and becoming it, and as
the random flickering of the flames, and the torrid heat, disintegrating
into pure energy. Becoming the boiling, flowing every-changing body
of molten magma at the core of the earth is felt as a visceral sensation.
These are some of the personal, subjective responses to the experience
of total chaos.
The closer one is to the chaos consciousness field, the more undifferentiated
the imagery is. Archetypal states define its borders. Visual
images dissolve into impressionistic colors, visceral sensations, intuitive
perceptions, vague awareness, and often culminate in total blankness or
lack of any form, or an overwhelmingness of sensation. There may
be grayness or cloudiness, and paradoxical sensations of falling or falling-floating
within vast emptiness.
Another perception is characterized as a spiral or vortex. It exerts
a magnetic draw on the journeyer who is drawn into it. Sensations
of spinning and being drawn deeper often cause intense dizziness and disorientation.
There may be feelings of flying apart--dismemberment in the centrifugal
forces of the vortex. Dissolution might, for example, be experienced
as a deep red which leads into a magma-like flowing sensation in which
intense heat melts the journeyer.
The imagery tends on one side to zero, and on the other, infinity, like
the paradoxical concept of the plenum which is also a void. It appears
void because it contains a vast amount of undifferentiated information
which is chaotic and overwhelms the senses. It is invisible because
it is not-yet-visible. Reaching this state, one has the sense of
transformative forces at work--a feeling of almost palpable relief.
The sense of peacefulness and security is the essence of the journey itself
and what the guide brings to it. Many other aspects of this "whole
brain" state have been described, such as feelings of dimensionlessness,
timelessness, and boundarylessness. It has also been called cosmic
Many sensations are involved, such as the experience of bubbles or effervescence
and tingling in the body, often at the site of a symptom. It may
be specific or generalized. It may be expressed as a new primal image
that is seen, heard, or perceived in a deeply felt way. Healing manifests
as a new emergent order--the implicate becomes explicate as a new perception
of self and one's relationship to the whole, of essence to source.
Evolution in consciousness comes with a quantum shift in awareness.
That quantum shift occurs during the period in which the evolving structure
is in chaos. So if one is in a dreamhealing process, experiencing
for example, the multiple consciousness of the Earth Mother as decay, one
may follow that to the point of total disintegration.
Since one is identified with that state of consciousness at the time, personal
awareness dives down into the chaos, journeying to the most fundamental,
primitive or primal condition--the ground state of being. Here a
shift is possible as consciousness is totally de-structured, non-linear,
yet dynamic, and Here we are simultaneously everything and nothing.
We are not separate from the universe: both science (holism, holography,
new physics, philosophy) and mystics (shamans, saints, and gurus) tell
us so. The whole is reflected in the part and the part is seamlessly
unified with the whole. Chaos theory is the result of unitary, iterative
processes. Chaotic systems exhibit holistic behavior.
"Solve et Coagula"
As we watch the cycles of nature, we observe that things go into life and
death, and rebirth, as energy changes form. If this is happening
all around us, what is to make us think we are any different than that?
We are part of nature, unlike the "civilized" or "objective scientific"
views which set us apart. So we may, quite naturally, expect to go
through the same cycle ourselves, in consciousness as well as in biology.
Further, we can trust that and embrace that evolutionary flow of life,
death, and rebirth, because in this transformative change lies true stability.
Always, passing through this state, the new order of imagery, thought,
emotion, sensory perception reflects a new and less dis-eased sense of
being. The deeper self image undercuts the old belief system, and
begins to create a new order of being, a new way of perceiving the self
and the world.
Chaos provides a new image around which to order the personality and often
the physiology. This is an application of the old alchemical maxim,
"solve et coagula," dissolve and reintegrate. One half of
the process is being able to let go of the focus of attention and enter
the chaos. The other half is being able to seize the new order that
arises from it. Order is present in the most chaotic state of mind,
just as chaos underlies even the most rigid and orderly intellect.
The primal images, the deep multi-sensual experiences and perceptions act
like psychic magnets, attracting and ordering energies around them, which
echo their shapes and forms. Like fractal patterns displayed on a
computer screen, the quantum shift comes when the attractor values are
changed. The old image that lies on one side of the chaos experience
gives way to a surprising new image that arises from the chaos. Emotions,
thinking, and behavior are all affected.
Condensed from the book Dreamhealing: Chaos & the Creative Consciousness
Process, by Graywolf Swinney and Iona Miller, c1992. For further
information, contact Aesculapia, P.O. Box 301, Wilderville, OR
RELATIONSHIP TIDAL WAVE
In this session a young woman, who has been separated from her alchoholic
husband for some time, recounts a dream which comes up when her divorce
proceeding go to court. During the session she re-owns her projected
ANIMUS (inner male) and finds new power in her center. Graywolf's
comments are ALL CAPS, while her responses are lower case.
WHEN YOU ARE READY TO LET THE DREAM COME IN, JUST ALLOW IT TO ENTER INTO
YOUR MIND...THE IMAGES...FEELINGS...AND SENSATIONS. THEN, WHEN YOU
ARE IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE READY TO SHARE THE DREAM, DO IT...BUT TAKE
I can see John lying on the couch...all I can see is the couch and him.
And he's pretty drunk...he can't sit up. I wish he'd just pass out...
BE THIS DRUNKEN MALE...BE THAT BODY...BECOME...AND AS YOU BECOME, SHARE...[she
describes her state of consicousness ending with the word "toxic"]...THAT
IS A VISCERAL SENSATION...THAT TOXICITY. FOCUS ON THAT NOW.
WHAT COLOR IS IT? WHAT SHAPE IS IT? WHAT CONSISTENCY DOES IT
It's a yellowish-green, sort of like a blob...sort of frozen. WHAT
KIND OF BLOB? IN YOUR IMAGINATION, NOW, BECOME THIS BLOB...THIS YELLOWISH-GREEN
BLOB. EXPERIENCE YOURSELF...AND WHEN YOU ARE READY...SHARE WITH ME
WHAT THAT EXPERIENCE IS LIKE. [She gives an obviously mentalized description
so the therapist urges letting go and she becomes "blue-green"].
SO YOU'RE FEELING THE POTENTIAL OF THE ENERGY? LET GO OF MIND AND
INTERPRETATIONS...AND JUST FEEL THE ENERGY AS ENERGY. JUST NOTICE
HOW YOU FEEL NOW.
There's a huge, huge tidal wave...STAY WITH IT...STAY WITH THE ENERGY...There's
things floating in it, obstructions...there's a lot of power in it...WHERE
DOES THAT CARRY YOU? STAY WITH THAT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU NOTICE...Down
at the bottom are little things that swim through it, small particles at
the mercy of the tide...little things...(AT THIS POINT WE DON'T KNOW IF
SHE WILL REGRESS INTO THE HELPLESSNESS OF CHILDHOOD OR DISCOVER SOMETHING
BRING ONE INTO YOUR MIND NOW...BECOME ONE OF THOSE REALLY TINY THINGS...They're
like little pieces of grass, and... BECOME ONE...It's really pleasant--the
force--swimming...I AM...I am...FEEL THAT...I am absorbed by the tidal
force, it's like a spiral. I DON'T KNOW QUITE HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT
BECOME BOTH THE STUFF FLOATING IN THE BOTTOM OF THE TIDAL WAVE AND THE
WAVE...THAT RELATIONSHIP...BECOME THAT VISCERALLY. It's very physical...GIVE
IN TO THAT PROCESS AND EXPERIENCE IT...JUST NOTICE, AND REPORT WHEN YOU
I see a shiny black thing...its like an opeing I can go into...it opens
into another place..and it seems to open into forever...JUST FEEL...THE
SENSATIONS...THE VISCERAL THINGS...WHAT IT'S LIKE IN THERE...[pause].
STAY WITH IT AS LONG AS YOU WANT...WHEN YOU'RE READY TO BRING IT BACK JUST
TAKE TWO OR THREE DEEP BREATHS...DON'T HURRY...TAKE YOUR TIME...
It feels like everything is in there [she indicates her abdomen, her power
chakra]. THIS IS ABOUT EXPRESSING FEAR...Its like some huge ocean..in
there...like in Journey to Center of the Earth, when there is that giant
AND THERE IS A SENSE OF MALENESS IN THERE WITH THAT, TOO?...Yes...BE AWARE
THAT YOU FOUND THAT POWER IN THE PART OF YOURSELF WHICH YOU GAVE THE SYMBOL
OF BEING A DRUNK EX-HUSBAND...Rejecting maleness?...UH-HUH! OUT-OF-CONTROL
MALENESS...SCARY, LIKE THE TIDE. FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT LOOKED TERRIBLE,
BUT WHEN YOU WENT INSIDE, YOU FOUND SOMETHING. I WOULD SAY THAT SOMETHING
ON THE SURFACE, YOUR PERSONALITY AND YOUR EGO, KEEPS YOU FROM THIS PLACE.
IT IS AS CLOSE TO BEING ABLE TO FOCUS ON IT. IT IS ALREADY IN THERE,
IT IS YOU...IT IS A STATE OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS.
I CAN'T TAKE YOU ANY PLACE THAT ISN'T IN YOU ALREADY. YOU'D BEEN
SCARED OFF BY THIS POWER WHICH WAS HIDING BEHIND THIS IMAGE OF A DRUNKEN
MAN. That's right. Now my whole body breathes with it.
Being in the blob was not a pleasant thing...later it felt good, but I
didn't see colors at that time. It became pleasant when I became
the tidal wave. The pain turned into pleasure. THAT IS CHARACTERISTIC
OF THE DREAM JOURNEY. YOU HAVE TO GO INTO THE PAIN, FEAR, OR DISTRUST
TO FIND THE POWER.
We are a really a powerful form of energy which takes on the form of a
mind and body. That form is based on the kinds of experience this
life energy encounters, and it stores that experience in the form of images.
Essentially that is the essence of this work, to go to those images, and
change or transform those images, to make the energy available for us.
In this case, the toxicity was where the energy was being held.
As we hit traumatic experiences in childhood, they rob us of some of our
power, manifesting as defenses which just keep us from getting there.
In the image itself is where all the stuff is stored. The purpose
of the work is to get to that image. For this client, this was tied
up in the image of the drunken man. Within that was this image of
toxicity or poison. The poison had the shape, the essence of an unpleasant
green color. What that yellow-green told me was that it has to do
with love expression and power expression.
That fits in with the fact it was expressed as a male power-figure she
was once intimate with. That is an image she had carried around in
her. She chose to express it that day as a sort of blue-green, which
when she became it, gave her access to the tidal power.
Those images that we store need to be transformed, because when we restructure
the images, our personality and body take on the actual new shape of these
images. Change the image and you change the attitudes associated
with it. If you only understand it intellectually, it just changes
the defense systems. We go deeper into the image, into CHAOS, and
shake it loose. That brings catharsis.
CONCEPTION DREAM JOURNEY
This healing took place over a two-day period during our annual gathering
on CHAOS AND CONSCIOUSNESS. This is a mature, cosmopolitan woman,
with a beautiful poetic spirit. She recounted her dream the morning
after her arrival.
I go into a bedroom where Jeannie Eagle is sitting on a large bed in a
flowing white dress. Her dark locks of hair fall around her shoulders,
and the contrast is like a photo negative of Mt. Shasta. I go forward
and lightly kiss Jeannie on her forehead. There is a shadowy presence
in the room that I take to be Graywolf.
Graywolf initiated the process. JUST LIE DOWN AND GET COMFORTABLE...START
BY JUST BREATHING...RELAX AND ENTER YOUR DREAM...RE-EXPERIENCE YOUR DREAM...AND
THEN WHEN YOU'RE READY, WALK ME THROUGH THE DREAM WITH YOU.
I'm approaching the bed...slowly, not cautiosly...just very confidently...I'm
seeing a person sitting on the bed [a woman]...I'm experiencing contrasts...the
pristine whiteness of the clothing, and the very somber, dark and black
hair...I'm feeling...ahhhh, the edges of the white and the edges of the
black meeting, kind of jagged...
JUST GIVE OVER TO THAT SENSATION OF JAGGED MEETING PLACES NOW...JUST EXPERIENCING...AND
TELL ME WHAT YOU NOTICE...I'm coming to where they...ah...possibility of
interchange...the black becomes white and the white becomes black.
JUST EXPERIENCE THAT...BE THAT...FEEL THAT AS YOU BECOME THAT AND GO THROUGH
THAT...FEEL IT VISCERALLY...WHERE DO YOU NOTICE THAT IN YOUR BODY?
In my stomach, here. BRING YOUR ATTENTION TO THAT SENSATION OR FEELING...DOES
IT HAVE A SHAPE?...ANY DISTINGUISHING THINGS YOU NOTICE ABOUT IT?
It's like it comes and it goes...The black is blacked and the white is
frozen...JUST GIVE OVER TO THAT NOTION...THAT THOUGHT...LET GO NOW OF ANY
OTHER SENSE OF SELF YOU HAVE...AND JUST BECOME THAT FLOW...FEEL YOUR SIDES...YOUR
LEFT SIDE, YOUR RIGHT SIDE...JUST FEEL THE FLOW NOW...BECOME NOTHING BUT
THAT KIND OF MOTION...
The black side's getting very violent like dark waves lashing...its like
shark's fins, the jagged part. GIVE IN TO THAT BLACKNESS, THE SHARKNESS,
THE ANGRYNESS...BECOME IT...LET GO OF THE REST NOW AND JUST BECOME THE
BLACK...THE SHARKNESS...Feels like a sword...darksword...FEEL YOUR ESSENCE...BECOME
IT NOW...TRUST YOUR IMAGINATION. I press into soft flesh...BREATHE
DEEP...IS THAT IN YOUR STOMACH, TOO? It's in my legs, in my thighs...GIVE
OVER TO THAT...FEEL IT NOW...STAY WITH IT...I'LL GO WITH YOU INTO THE PAIN...COME
WITH ME INTO THE PAIN.
It feels like penetration...OK...JUST EXPERIENCE THAT NOW...It's very painful...STAY
WITH IT...I feel I'll cry...IT'S OK...It's myyyy...JUST FEEL...DEEPER,
DEEPER...FEEL...WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW? I'm feeling like there's a
knight with armor on...it's black...all of its black...BECOME THAT...BECOME
HIM...COME INTO YOUR SHADOW WITH ME...STAY WITH IT...WITH ME...IT'S OK,
I'M WITH YOU...STAY WITH IT. Hmm...I'm seeing a lot of yellow flames;
its like I want to jump in...DO IT!...I walk in and its just like red coals
(YEAH) and I feel like a devil dancing on them...FEEL THAT ENERGY...FEEL
YOUR HEAT...Horns!...I'm all red, and...STAY WITH IT.
WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW? It's all turning into ashes and turning into
snow!...it's a lot cooler...FEEL THAT...it's very soft to touch...Hhhmmmm...I'm
going into the ground like a seed...FEEL IT NOW....JUST FEEL IT VISCERALLY...hmmmm,
roots...going down...deeper...DEEPER....deeper...ALL THE WAY NOW, WITH
THEM...AND BECOME THE ROOTS...
I'm finding gold down under the earth...it's some kind of light...BECOME
THAT LIGHT NOW...MOVE OVER TO IT...LET GO OF BODY, LET GO OF FORM...BECOME
THE LIGHT...DEEP, DEEP LIGHT...It's all like a ball, very white, and all
around is the darkness...like a void...and the lower I get, the lower it
goes, and I can't quite reach it...but I'm trying...JUST STAY WITH WHERE
YOU'RE AT...EXPERIENCE THE VOID...BECOME THE VOID...LOOK IN NOW...BECOME
THE VOID...FEEL YOURSELF AS THE VOID...WHAT YOU'RE EXPERIENCING...[she
breathes very deeply]...SHARE WITH ME...
Ah...I was there...I think I thought that if I breathed it would go away,
but it's still there, and I could breath and it's still there...WHERE ARE
YOU?...I'm like in a...ah, a quarry hole all filled with water and the
sun shifts down it, and I'm inside it and I don't need to breath, and I'm
just like part of that water, and at the same time, its like air...it has
a lot of little motes...motes...STAY WITH THAT...JUST ACCEPT THAT...FEEL...THIS
IS ONE OF THE GIFTS OF THE DREAM TO YOU...IT'S A HEALING PLACE FOR YOU...
MY THOUGHT IS THAT THERE IS A SENSATION OF TINGLING WITH THIS...yes!...JUST
ALLOW THAT TO BE...LET THAT WORK ON YOU...THAT'S THE HEALING...IT COMES
FROM WITHIN. Wow!!!...hmm,hmmmm that was the primal energy!
Oh, I can feel it in my whole body as I said that, all the way up my legs!
I can feel my whole body tingling!!!
THAT'S THE HEALING...JUST STAY WITH IT NOW...Hmmmm....STAY WITH IT, AND
FEEL IT AS LONG AS YOU NEED...WHEN YOU ARE READY TO COME BACK, BRING THE
HEALING WITH YOU...AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST TAKE THREE DEEP BREATHS
AND LET YOUR EYES OPEN...BUT DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'RE READY...WHEN
YOU DO COME BACK JUST COME BACK TO THE SURFACE OF THE DREAM, AND I WILL
MEET YOU THERE BECAUSE THERE IS ANOTHER PLACE I'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU.
I feel like a very fuzzy caterpillar...MMM-UHUH....that's eaten a lot...it's
so fat and it's soft....hmmmmm. ARE YOU READY TO GO BACK UP TO THE
SURFACE OF THE DREAM NOW?...hmmm...Uhuh. THERE'S A PRESENCE IN THAT
DREAM...A GUIDE...DO YOU FEEL IT? I'm seeing all of her now...a woman
like a fairy with butterfly wings. DO YOU FEEL THEM ON YOUR OWN SHOULDERS?...Yeah,
Ok, Ok, uhuh...they're sprouting...irridescent wings! OK...STAY THERE...those
wings, its like the same irridescence as those motesMOTES [spoken simultaneously].
[NOTE: in Greek, PSYCHE means butterfly]
GO JUST A LITTLE BIT DEEPER NOW...AND FEEL THE ENERGY THAT YOU RADIATE...THESE
COLORS...Uhuh...what's in my mind is that passing over the clouds over
the mountains coming into Medford there is a double circular rainbow around
the shadow of the plane...below. The shadow of the plane is in the
exact middle always, and I'm sitting right beyond the wing, and I'm looking
down and seeing this rainbow...and it's now like I'm in the center of that
rainbow...mmmm-huh...two rainbows...I see all these colors over here.
JUST LET THEM ENTER YOU...FEEL THEM...FEEL THE CENTER...I'm the center
spot...MAY I TOUCH YOU?...Yeah...[touches heart center].............[long
pause]........[eyes open]...WELCOME BACK!
Now I'm feeling...oh, I'm feeling like integrating the feeling of the movement
of the plane and all those vibrations...and at the same time the rainbows
and the shadow of the plane are constant. That's what I'm feeling.
I'm feeling like there is a constancy in the movement, you see? UHUH...It
can't be but it is...THAT'S A GOOD LESSON, ISN'T IT? Yeah, yeah...yeah....THERE
IS WISDOM THERE, YOU'VE TOUCHED SOME WISDOM THERE...Yeah, I'm a very wise
person...YOU BET...Oh wow!
THE STRUCTURE IS THE ILLUSION; IT'S THE MOVEMENT THAT IS THE REALITY.
THE STRUCTURE OF THE PLANE, THE THINGS WE THINK ARE PERMANENT, THEY ARE
THE ILLUSIONS. Yes. FEEDBACK....COMMENTS?
Thank you...I've got my mama's tit again. When I was saying I'm a
wise person, I usually can't say that, like its not good to be presumptuous,
right. And it's like its OK to be yourself...UHUH, THAT'S A NICE
GIFT FROM THE DREAM, TOO.
She recalls her song where she wrote, "Woman trust your body's wisdom..."
Graywolf asks her if she has had trouble in her legs. She says "No,"
but refers to month-old distress on the bottom of her forearms, slight
THE TINGLING IN THE BODY, THOUGH, THERE WAS SOMETHING WITH THAT.
Oh, [emphatically], the tingling was...SEEMED INTENSE...yes, it was very
intense, yea. At the beginning of this session I was asking myself
what this is about. And its about coming here. It's about my
mother going 50 years ago to Farther South Camp, a forerunner of Outward
I stayed home on the farm to cook, sweep, and wash for my father and brothers.
And my mother went galavantin' off, just like I am now. Only no one
has to cook and sweep for me. My kids are grown. Still, though,
I was having the image of the woman going off to the wilderness to find
herself. THAT'S SOMETHING OF THE ESSENCE OF WHY YOU'RE HERE THEN.
Hmmmhuh. And I was hearing this morning a poem that my mother loved,
I think by William Blake or John Dunn, someone of the mystical faith.
Every morning lean thine arms upon the windowsill of heaven; And contemplate
thy God. And then with a vision freshen thy heart and go forth into
I am not knowing if I have permission to lean my hands on the windowsill
of Heaven. [she rubs her arms where she has complained of the distress].
YOU JUST DID...SO YOU MUST...Like I just did right now...So I do...So I
don't need that! [She makes shaking motions as if to let go of that
SO AGAIN, JUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR IS THE POWER. JUST ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE FEAR AND THE PAIN. JUST EXPRESSING THE FEAR AND
THE PAIN DOES NOTHING MORE THAN HONOR IT...IT DOESN'T TAKE YOU TO THE OTHER
SIDE OF IT. ALSO, THERE WAS AN INNOCENCE OF SHADOW IN THIS DREAM.
YOU WENT INTO THE SHADOW SIDE IN THE SHARK...aimed at the light...I had
a momentary flashback to a time when my husband with Alzheimer's tried
to make love to me. It was scary, but I saved myself from that situation.
Before that fear of my father that summer my mother went to camp.
I'D LIKE TO SUGGEST THAT YOU EXPERIENCED EVEN ONE LEVEL DEEPER...THIS IS
CONJECTURE AT THIS POINT...I THINK YOU EXPERIENCED THE MOMENT OF YOUR CONCEPTION.
Hhmmm...the sperm, yes...going into the egg...the motes. I HAD VERY
MUCH THE FEELING OF THAT WHILE YOU WERE THERE. Uhuh, uhuh.
That thought was the penetration there--that's very interesting--AHA!
THAT'S WHERE SOME OF THE INITIAL IMAGES WERE FORMED. SOME OF THE
VERY MOST PRIMAL IMAGES THAT SHAPED YOU. Hmmmm.
Graywolf...Now that I just am this ovum being penetrated by the sperm,
I'm no longer violated...how about that! I'm created, I'm not violated!
THAT'S A BIG CHANGE IN IMAGE, ISN'T IT. Uhuh, tremendous! Tremendous,
tremendous. ITS A VERY FUNDAMENTAL CHANGE IN YOURSELF IN TERMS OF
WHO YOU ARE NOW. I feel like Jesus when they pierced him in the side...aha,
aha, aha. That tingling...now its in my back and it's in my arms.
I was still resisting until now that sperm penetrating, and until it did,
I couldn't be whole. Now I'm feeling like I'm in the Fallopian tube,
and going into the uterus, and I can implant, and grow to where I am now.
Its a wonderful feeling, because I can be inside my mother and here at
the same time. I can be in all of those places. It's wonderful!
Aaronson, Bernard S., "The Hypnotic Induction of the Void," Journal of
the American Society of Psychosomatic Dentistry and Medicine, Vol. 26:
No. 1, p. 22-30; No. 2, p. 63-72; No. 3, p. 114-117; No. 4, p.129-133.
Abraham, Ralph; McKenna, Terence; Sheldrake, Rupert; TRIALOGUES AT THE
EDGE OF THE WEST; Bear and Co., Santa Fe, 1992.
Davis, Erik, "DeLanda Destratified"; MONDO 2000, #8, Winter 1992, p. 45-48.
Edinger, Edward F.; ANATOMY OF THE PSYCHE, Open Court; LaSalle, Illinois,
Edinger, Edward F.; EGO AND ARCHETYPE, Penguin Books Inc., Baltimore, 1973.
Evans-Wentz, W.Y.; THE TIBETAN BOOK OF THE DEAD; Causeway Books, New York,
Gold, E. J.; AMERICAN BOOK OF THE DEAD; Gateways
Grinnell, Robert; ALCHEMY IN A MODERN WOMAN, Spring Publications, New York,
Grof, Stanislav; THE ADVENTURE OF SELF-DISCOVERY; SUNY Press, Albany, 1988.
Hillman, James; ANIMA; Spring Publications, Dallas, 1985.
Kauffman, Stuart A., "Antichaos and Adaptation"; SciAmer, August 1991,
Leary, T., Metzner, R., Alpert, R.; THE PSYCHEDELIC EXPERIENCE, University
Books, New York, 1964.
McAuliffe, Kathleen; "Get Smart: Controlling Chaos"; OMNI
Merrell-Wolff, Franklin; PATHWAYS THROUGH TO SPACE; Warner Books, New York,
Milkman, Harvey & Sunderwirth, Stanley; CRAVING FOR ECSTASY; D.C. Heath
& Co., Lexington, Massachusetts, 1987.
Miller, I. & Miller, R.A.; THE MODERN ALCHEMIST (formerly The Book
of Lambspring); Phanes Press, Chicago; in press (available Spring 1994).
Mindell, Arnold; DREAMBODY; Sigo Press, Boston, 1982.
Mindell, Arnold; RIVER'S WAY; Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1985.
Rossi, Ernest: THE PSYCHOBIOLOGY OF MIND-BODY HEALING, W.W. Norton &
Co., Inc., New York, 1986.
Stace, W.D.; MYSTICISM AND PHILOSOPHY; Lippincott, New York, 1960.
Swinney, Graywolf and Iona Miller; DREAMHEALING: CHAOS AND THE CREATIVE
CONSCIOUSNESS PROCESS, Asklepia Press, 1992.
Tart, Charles; STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS; E.P. Dutton & Co., Inc., New
Washburn, Michael; THE EGO AND THE DYNAMIC GROUND; SUNY Press, New York,
File Created: 6/2/00 Last Updated: 9/12/00
Web Design by Iona
Miller and Vickie Webb.